So, they're still at it, then.
I'm delighted, Mr Biggins, you called us in early for once.
It makes all the difference.
Won't make any difference to the bill, though.
No, it'll makes all the difference to the health of the beast.
That's the point.
But that's naught but posts between cleats.
Thou call it foul in the foot,
and charge me through the nose.
-(COW MOOS) -(SCOFFS)
We spend all too much of our time dealing with chronic cases
which should have never been allowed to become chronic.
More preventative treatment, that's what we should be doing.
Oh! Aye.
Yeah, well, then, you'd never be off the premises.
We'd have a dale full of fat cattle and bankrupt farmers.
And then they'd see how the other half lives,
with no farmers to fleece.
Just so long as we are all in business, Mr Biggins,
I would very greatly appreciate the settlement of your account.
All right.
(CAT MEOWS)
That cat doesn't look just quite right to yourself?
Wearin' out.
I'm wonderin' if I oughtn't to shoot him or summat.
Don't think I'd recommend anything quite as drastic as that, Mr Biggins.
Ah! There's no point in messin' around a lot with cats,
not to my mind, I think.
Your brother likes fussin' with them, though.
Yes, my brother's very interested in the feline species.
(DUST MY BLUES PLAYING ON THE GRAMOPHONE)
(DOOR OPENS)
Tris.
Tris! I wonder if...
(MUSIC VOLUME LOWERS)
Tris, Helen's at a concert rehearsal over at Hargrove
and I said I'd pick her up, but I still haven't finished here,
so I thought if you got nothing on this afternoon...
Ah! I'd love to, James, but...
But, um, what?
I really must get down to it once I've finished this, you know.
I've got calls to make,
places to go, people to...
-See? -Yes, exactly.
-Never mind. -Oh, James, could you...
Yes, of course.
(MUSIC STOPS)
(SIGHS)
-Hi, James. -Any joy from Biggins?
Do you think he even knows the meaning of the word?
You know, we're much too soft in this practice sometimes.
Altogether too soft.
Hello, Mrs Alton. Is that for me?
It is.
Wonderful, wonderful.
We're keeping you busy, I see.
Aye.
I've had to miss Choral Society practice,
and it's the concert next week.
Oh, my dear, well, I am sorry to hear that.
The house has been so phenomenally tidy ever since you came to us,
I can't see that there should have been any difficulty at a mere odd afternoon off.
If I left Mr Tristan here on his own for the afternoon, it would not be tidy for long.
I don't know how one man can get through this much crockery.
Oh, I'll have a word with him, of course.
As for that music! Well, you can't call it music.
No good comes of it, I do know that.
It's not what I'd expected, not in a professional household.
(MUSIC BLARING)
Tristan, this is not a dance hall.
This is a professional household and you're supposed to be a partner...
-(PHONE RINGING) -Ah!
Darrowby 385!
Oh, hello, Granville, how are you?
Yes, yes.
Yes, we got a pack of hounds in the sitting room.
Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
Of course we'll have a look at her.
This evening? Uh...
Well, certainly you can stay the night.
I shan't be here myself, but the other two will do the honours for you.
Well, I look forward to seeing you later, then, Granville.
All right, well, bye.
Tristan, for God's sake!
It's got to be loud, Siegfried,
that's what it's all about.
Will you kindly turn that damn thing off!
Quite apart from the professional problems presented
-by not being able to hear the telephone bell... -(MUSIC STOPS)
...and the effect on one's own ear drums,
poor Mrs Alton is well on the way to being persuaded
that strange rites are going on here behind closed doors.
If only there were.
I do not wish to lose her.
Absolutely not, Siegfried, you can count on me.
(PHONE RINGING)
Tristan! Telephone.
(TRISTAN VOCALISING BLUES MUSIC)
Darrowby 385.
Yes, it is Mr Farnon.
Yes, Mr Tristan Farnon, the very same.
Oh, good afternoon, Mr Biggins.
Ah! No, I can't place the cow myself. Who saw it?
Looks to me like straightforward pyometria.
Of course, that little bitch is getting on, isn't she?
-Persephone? -Hmm.
Granville's so touchy about his own animals.
One of his most endearing qualities. Don't you agree with me, James?
Granville has all too many enduring qualities, Siegfried,
and I've had the hangovers to prove it.
Rather marvellous company, isn't he?
That's the problem.
We'll, I hope we can show him some real hospitality tonight, anyway.
Is he staying?
Yes, he's very insistent that he's going to be no trouble at all.
As if he could, the dear man.
So you will help out, won't you, James? Well, of course you will.
No friend like Granville.
Actually, I think Helen was hoping for a quiet evening at home.
There's no such thing in veterinary practice.
And you've heard that frightful cacophony just now of Tristan's stuff?
Well, you know, he hasn't exactly won Mrs Alton over,
and an evening spent with Granville,
most charming man on earth, of course,
well, she might not quite understand all those high spirits,
and Tristan's certainly easily led, isn't he?
Well, if there is any leading astray to be done, Granville's your man.
Yes, exactly. That's why your restraining hand is so vitally important, my dear James.
Siegfried, I'd like to see Granville, of course I would, but...
Look, maybe we could keep a steadier hand than usual with our combined forces.
I knew I could rely on you, James.
I just wish I could be with you,
but I have that blasted dinner in Brawton.
I don't want to go but I've got to.
Wait a minute, Siegfried.
James!
-You make me feel rather guilty. -Huh?
I know how busy you are.
I've got a few things I could be doing over in Hargrove.
Well, quite a few things, now I come to think of it.
I could easily pick Helen up from the village hall. Save you the trip.
-Oh, that's really good of you, Tris, thanks. -Hmm.
Oh, by the way, that was Mr Biggins on the phone.
He's not too happy with the cow you saw this morning.
He's not happy with the diagnosis or the treatment,
and he wants someone to look at her this afternoon. I must dash.
(WHISPERS) Bloody man!
He argues about every farthing on every bill.
He never settles his account from one year's end to the next.
He's forever trying to get
treatment and advice out of this practice without paying for it.
He's ill-mannered, ill-natured, ill-tempered.
And now he's dissatisfied with the service that we offer.
Now, come on, Siegfried, don't mince your words.
-Say what you mean. -All right.
James, I'm not amused when my professional judgement is questioned.
No, no, of course you're not.
Nevertheless, you're going to have to visit that cow of his again.
Never let it be said that this practice does not respond
to the requests of clients, however unreasonable.
(CHUCKLES)
He wants a second opinion.
-Better give him yours, James. -What?
And while you're about it, James,
see if you can get out of him what he owes us.
Siegfried!
(DOOR CLOSES)
Thanks a lot!
# Well, gettin' up this morning
# I believe I dust my broom #
(VOCALISING)
# Well, gettin' up this morning
# I believe I dust my broom #
(VOCALISING)
(CONTINUES SINGING INDISTINCTLY)
(CHOIR SINGING)
(SINGING SERENADE TO MUSIC)
# My God and King
# My God... #
All right, I think that will do for now.
Thank you very much, everybody.
I'll see you all tomorrow night.
-Your carriage awaits. -That's very good of you, Tristan.
I thought James was coming to pick me up.
Ah! Too busy, I'm afraid, so I offered.
And I know, how much you like this sort of music.
Well, the thing to do is, is to slip across to the pub just after the start,
and then get back just in time for the finish.
That's what I always used to do when I was at school.
-HELEN: I thought you used to be in the choir. -Yes, I was.
Oh, Jane...
Tris, do you know Jane Mercer?
I'm sure I should.
Frank Mercer's daughter. Remember, Birstwith Farm.
Good Lord! It must be...
-Let's just say several years. -(ALL CHUCKLE)
I hope you haven't got a lift home?
Well, what I mean is...
Patience, Tris, I was just about to say,
-"Could you possibly drop Jane off?" -Oh!
TRISTAN: I just heard the tail end of the music.
Oh! It's very scrappy.
Nonsense! It sounded marvellous.
I've always had a passion for choral music myself.
It's so... Well...
-Choral? -(ALL LAUGH)
I'd love to have kept up singing myself, but there's so little time.
Oh, I don't know, Tris. It's only a couple of hours a week.
Yes, but when a sudden emergency could crop up at any time.
At least you can enjoy the pleasure of other people singing.
I would do, of course.
But there's always the danger of a sudden emergency, isn't there, Tris?
I have to say, I've been out of touch, Jane.
I've been working away like you, in Ireland, actually.
-Oh, really? -On the west coast.
Marvellous country. Wonderful people.
I've never been. Heard a lot about it.
Whatever you heard, it's much more beautiful. I had a great time.
Of course, it helps if you can pick up a bit of the lingo.
I was in the Gaeltacht. I managed to pick up quite a bit.
(SPEAKING IRISH GAELIC)
An Irish boyfriend, in Scarborough.
That's the thing about Irish, of course, the dialects, they vary such a lot.
Rory's a native speaker.
I never understand why he works in Scarborough.
He can't stand the English. (CHUCKLES)
He makes an exception in your case, then?
Oh, very definitely.
Well, made, rather than makes. Past tense.
Oh, it's lovely here, isn't it?
Yes.
Yes? Is that all?
Because you live here all the time, you just don't see it.
Oh, I see it all the more.
-Mr Farnon. How do? -Hello, Mr Bullock.
You don't see many like her.
No, you certainly don't.
Do you not like it?
I'm too contrary.
When I'm here, I want to be somewhere else.
-When I'm somewhere else, I want to be here. -(CHUCKLES)
Oh! That does not look very fair.
Hello, Mr Bullock.
Look at her.
Aye, good for naught, she is.
There's nowhere for her to shelter.
Tristan, don't you think she should be stabled?
I think we should go.
Mr Bullock's donkey is his own business.
The coat's all matted.
Oh, I shouldn't worry your pretty little head about that, miss.
Helen, don't you think she's in pain?
I must say, she doesn't look very comfortable, Mr Bullock.
Are times so hard you need to send your womenfolk
out to tout for business, now, veterinary?
She is in poor condition, Mr Bullock,
and this field is very exposed.
That beast is neither use nor ornament.
You said yourself, she's my business. Well, so she is.
I'd thank you to keep your neb out of it.
If you can't look after her properly, Mr Bullock...
I think, that's enough, miss.
-This is my land, and I'd like you off it. -Come on.
Aren't you going to do something?
Can't you threaten him with something?
I don't mean a shillelagh. I just mean...
What about the RSPCA ?
Well, if she really was being mistreated, yes,
but the most you can say is that
Mr Bullock isn't looking after her as well as he should.
That's not quite the same thing.
It's the same thing, as far as I'm concerned.
Jane, I'm being professionally compromised here. Surely, you can see that.
I'm sorry, Tris. Look, I'll think of something.
Let's meet up tomorrow.
This foot Mr Farnon attended to is fine, Mr Biggins.
-He'll be right as rain in a matter of days. -(MOOS)
Then, you'll not be charging ought if there's naught wrong and there's no treatment?
Ah! About the matter of charges, Mr Biggins.
Oh!
-Hello! I don't often see you in here, do I? -(MOOS)
You're right off your beat, aren't you?
-Sorry? -No, I'm talkin' to this little bugger.
He just sits around all day doin' naught.
I'll have to send missus out after the mice if he doesn't fray 'em himself.
He's not worth his keep.
Mr Biggins, I was wondering if you might think about settling up.
You'll not be charging me for this visit, I hope?
-Well, it is a normal procedure. Yes. -(COW MOOING)
-I asked for Mr Farnon. -You didn't, actually.
I think I know what I said.
Come on, Mr Biggins, what you asked for was a second opinion.
I asked for young Mr Farnon, not the old one.
You want Tristan to come out?
Ah, well, some folks can be on a job too long, you know.
A bit of new blood, that's what we need.
Well, I'll, um...
There you are, you see. Look. He just can't settle, can he?
(PANTING)
It's not really advanced, but severe enough.
Yes, I know.
The discharge isn't too bad today, but she's thirstier than ever.
Well, this is old hat to you, Granville.
Wouldn't you be happier operating yourself?
Well, I'm a bit soft where this old lady's concerned.
We'd be honoured to do it, of course.
But sooner rather than later.
I'll take your car, then I'll pick you up tonight.
That's not necessary. If I'm called out...
You can take Tristan's. You are not driving after an evening with Granville.
-I'm not going to drink. -Keys!
-I mean it. -Of course you do.
-See you later. -Yes.
I do appreciate it, Siegfried, so does Zoe.
Hysterectomy on Persephone, James.
-Saturday afternoon, all right? -Fine.
-Helen gone? -Yes.
-You've cleared the late pass, have you? -Late-ish.
I'm dying to sink a few pints, I can tell you.
I wish I could get out of this damned do.
Charitable dinner's are always so stuffy.
The Langthorpe, then, James?
Oh, it's months since I was in a decent country pub.
Small animal practice may be good for the bank balance,
-but there is a hell of a price to pay. -(SIEGFRIED CHUCKLES)
Look, Granville, if you want a pint, that's fine.
But, I happen to be on the wagon at the moment.
Same old James! What a sense of humour.
Sounds like a good evening.
I envy you both.
I'll just have to wait till tomorrow for the pleasure of your company.
Goodbye, Granville.
-Bye, Siegfried, thank you. -Bye, Siegfried.
Look, James, I'll just settle Persephone, and I better give Zoe a ring.
She'll want to know what we decided.
So, why don't you take Tristan and get stuck in?
I'll be with you in two shakes of a lamb's tail.
-Oh, James. -What?
Order a few for me, will you?
We're in for a long night.
Hello, Persephone. You're going to be all right.
-Mr Farnon? -Mrs Alton.
I'm sorry it's such short notice about Mr Bennett staying.
I was just checking up on the whisky.
The decanter in the sitting room is about half full, wouldn't you say?
That's right.
Yes, I think that's quite sufficient, I was just going to hide...
Put these somewhere rather less conspicuous.
When old friends get together, you know what it's like.
Can't really say that I do, Mr Farnon.
Well, Mr Bennett's such an ebullient personality, and Mr Tristan,
young blood and all that, you know.
Mr Herriot, of course, is sound as a rock.
(CROWD TALKING INDISTINCTLY)
You're only going for a walk with her.
Yes, but she asked me, James.
She didn't have to.
Oh, she's beautiful.
-I've never seen any... -Where have I heard all that before?
-No, no, this is different. -Different.
Mock if you will.
"She walks in beauty like the night,
"of cloudless climes and starry skies,
"and all that's best of dark and bright,
"meet in her aspect and her eyes."
-How's your orange squash? -It's foul, thanks.
But then, I promised Helen, didn't I?
Don't know why you're sticking with ginger beer, then.
Fair maiden was rarely wooed by a thick head
and the breath of last night's booze, James.
It's never stopped you before.
It's not often you meet a woman like Jane Mercer.
Nope, Granville can do his worst. I am utterly resolved.
Good evening, Mr Bullock.
You've a nerve, Farnon.
I've no time for women who think they can show a man up
because they've got more brass
or more learning than what's good for them.
That lass of Frank Mercer's, she should've had her hide tanned ages ago.
And she would be wedded with a couple of kids by now if she had.
I wouldn't worry too much about...
I'll worry about what I want to worry about.
That donkey's mine, and I'll shift for her, if and when I want.
Oh, I don't think, it's anything to fall out of, would you?
And your missus is all ears and graces
and looking down her nose these days.
"She doesn't look very comfortable, Mr Bullock."
I'm sorry, Mr Bullock, but I don't know what this is all about.
Well, I know what it's about, and I'll not have it!
Mr Bullock, you are keeping an animal in awful conditions.
Not feeding it properly, not providing it adequate shelter.
If you object to the fact that Miss Mercer had the courage to say that to you,
and it's more than most men would have done, then I'm sorry.
-But I say, good for her. -(SCOFFS)
-Ah! Good evening. Tristan. -You've changed your mind.
Afraid not, James. Now...
But Biggins has been on the telephone.
He's got a very sick cow.
-Again? -(CHUCKLES) Yes.
And he specifically asked for you.
Now?
Well, I suppose you better stay and have one drink
with Granville, and then you can go.
No, no. Granville won't mind.
Duty calls, and all that. Good night, gentlemen. Good luck, James.
Oh, there's a good boy.
Sorry I can't stay, James.
Granville said he'll be over in a minute.
Enjoy yourselves. Goodnight.
Well, your cow seems perfectly normal to me, Mr Biggins.
(MOOING)
Nothing wrong with its heart, lungs, stomach or udders.
I know what's not wrong with her.
I sent for you chaps to tell me what is wrong with her.
There's nothing wrong with your cow, Mr Biggins.
Oh, I don't know.
She were right off-colour all day.
Well, don't you ever feel like that, Mr Biggins? I know I do.
They tell me you're a dab hand with cats.
-Cats? -Aye.
Cats. Meow! (HISSES)
Yes, I'm very fond of cats, Mr Biggins. Marvellous animals.
I'll tell you a funny thing.
The more I learn about cats,
the more puzzled I am by human beings.
Goodnight.
-Hello, Tris. -Shh!
-(WHISPERS) He's asleep. -James?
(SNIFFS)
Shh!
(GRANVILLE SNORING)
(DOOR CLOSES SOFTLY)
-(BOTH WHISPERING) -What is it?
Let's get out of here. If he wakes up, he'll get his second wind.
-Coffee on at home, strong and black. -I don't need it.
-What do you mean? -I've done it. I've beaten him.
An evening with Granville, and I'm stone cold sober.
-You are, too. -(CHUCKLES)
It's not that difficult, is it?
Come on, staying sober with Granville Bennett?
It makes walking on hot coals look like a stroll in the park.
-I ought to be very proud of you, then. -Yes, very.
Right, can we go home now, so I can stop whispering?
-Smashing breakfast, Mrs A. -Hmm.
-A little more? -No, I couldn't, really.
-Granville, how about some music? -Oh, good idea.
I rescued these from the attic. Siegfried's.
-Does the job, I hope. -(GRANVILLE CHUCKLES)
(REQUIEM PLAYING ON GRAMOPHONE)
Oh, now, that's lovely, Mr Tristan.
Yes, I suppose it is.
Oh, Try this one, then.
I gather Miss Mercer prefers the classics.
Miss Mercer. Excuse me, would that be Jane?
-That's right. -A bonnie lass.
She is indeed.
Of course, you were in the choral society together.
I've known her all her life.
Why she had to go gallivanting off to Scarborough, I'll never know.
She could've had her pick of all the young men in the Dales.
Absolutely.
I thought, if it wouldn't be too much trouble, I might ask her to tea.
There's nothing I'd like better, Mr Tristan.
Mrs Alton, I hope you won't mind,
but you've looked after Persephone and me so well...
Oh, Mr Bennett. This really isn't necessary.
I think saying thank you to someone special is always necessary.
Well, thanks.
(BOTH LAUGH)
Oh, good morning, Mrs Alton.
Morning, Mr Farnon.
I do hope everything's all right?
Certainly.
I mean, last night, not too much disruption?
Last night?
Yeah, I feel rather guilty.
I'd much prefer to have been here to look after them myself,
but you know my own commitments.
They didn't find the rest of the whisky?
Oh, Mr Farnon,
I like a joke myself, but not at the expense of others,
if you don't mind me saying.
Three better-behaved gentlemen you'd rarely meet.
They were all consideration.
And Mr Bennett...
Well, it's been a pleasure having him stay.
(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)
Good morning, Siegfried.
Morning.
Hello.
JAMES: Here we are, Sally. He'll be fine now.
-Good morning, James. -Morning, Siegfried.
-Something wrong? -No, no, no.
Was it a late night?
No. Not really.
You did stay at the Langthorpe?
Yes. Till closing time.
"The sun was shining on the sea,
-"shining with all his might." -What?
"He did his very best to make the billows smooth and bright.
"And that was odd, because it was the middle of the night.
"How late it's getting. Don't you agree, Alice?"
(DOOR CLOSES)
I really don't see the point of this.
I told you I had a row with Bullock last night.
I hope you put him in his place.
We are on his property, Jane, and in my position...
Oh, you know, you really are a lot more conventional than you like to make out.
Anyway, I don't mind being told I'm stupid, even by a vet.
Now, then, isn't anyone looking after you?
Yes, well, she's scouring.
Certainly looks wormy.
-Oh, dear. -What is it?
Her feet are sore.
What the hell's goin' on?
Oh, no.
I told you this donkey wasn't well, Mr Bullock.
I'll have the law on you, Farnon.
-Look, I apologise, Mr Bullock. -You apologise?
Just get off my land!
Your donkey is in poor health, Mr Bullock, she's scouring.
She's rubbing herself raw because of lice, and her feet...
You'll tell me next, you want paying.
I've tried to apologise. That does not alter the donkey's condition.
-Five pounds. -You what?
I'll give you five pounds for her.
Mr Farnon has already contacted the RSPCA.
-They'll almost certainly bring him out to prosecution. -Jane!
You always were a mad 'un, Jane Mercer.
Take her, then, since you're so concerned.
Now just get off my land, all of you.
Hey! She'll always want to wear the trousers, that one!
Fine! And what do you suggest we do now?
Car keys?
I'll take your car. You take the donkey back to the farm.
Shouldn't take much longer than an hour.
That's not much of a bargain, Tristan.
I know that old car of yours was expensive to run.
I can't get her to move.
# There's a song in the air
# But the fair senorita doesn't seem to care #
What?
It's the Donkey Serenade. It worked in the film.
Good luck, old boy.
Do you really want me to sing to you?
I thought that might be too much for you.
Where were you?
Oh, well, you're here now. Come on, you must be tired.
Come on. Good girl.
(DONKEY BRAYS)
You'll know a bit about our lass now, Mr Farnon.
Does what she wants. Always has done.
I suppose you weren't expecting a donkey today?
No, never brought one home before.
Nor a veterinary.
JANE: Come on, Tristan!
I'm not going to wash off any more mud now.
She's more badly infected round the heel and the coronet than I thought.
She must have been like this a long time to develop mud fever.
Thanks, Tris.
I'll think of you when every farmer on the Dale says,
"There goes Farnon, the interfering do-gooder."
-Worth it, though. -Oh, yes.
I'll, um, get something for the lice.
She was stable through most of yesterday, but she's worse today.
(SNIFFS) She's becoming quite toxaemic.
(PANTING)
Don't you worry, Granville. We're all ready to go.
Stupid of me to delay so long.
All the advice you give other people so readily.
I'll tell you what,
I'll get Persephone ready for the operation, lay out the instruments and so on.
Why don't you go and have a cup of tea?
-No, I think I'll be more use here. -Come on, Granville.
-I'll see if Mrs Alton's got the kettle on. -Later, James.
What anaesthetic are you going to use, Siegfried?
She presents quite a risk, you know.
Any chance of an afternoon with you now?
Thanks again, Tris.
I suppose this is the sort of thing that keeps holding you back.
Hmm?
One of those emergencies that stops you from being in the choir.
Oh, absolutely. I can't tell you.
Must be very hard.
-Very. Very. -All those emergencies.
Oh, this is a different sort of emergency altogether.
Are you sure you wouldn't be better off with Pentothal?
I think, we know what we're doing, Granville.
Yes, of course, sorry. Force of habit.
Granville, why don't you go and get a gin and tonic?
Thank you, Siegfried. Later.
Now, I hope this is all right, Jane.
It looks lovely, Mrs Alton.
But I don't think, I'm going to be able to eat any, though.
I never can before concerts.
Oh, you'll want a full stomach to sing on. I shall have.
Thanks, Mrs Alton.
-(DOOR CLOSES) -(REQUIEM PLAYING ON THE GRAMOPHONE)
-Tristan? -Yes?
Do you have anything a bit lighter?
Oh, yes, of course.
(MUSIC STOPS)
Tea in front of a roaring fire,
the soothing sound of voices singing...
-(REQUIEM BURSTS OUT LOUDLY) -(LAUGHS)
Don't you think a little to the...
...left?
-All right, James? -Yes, Siegfried.
I'm looking forward to it. I'm missing teaching.
It's a long way, though, Bristol.
It's the right job for me, Tris.
It's what I want.
Well, I suppose it's not that far.
When do you go exactly?
Exactly, um, tomorrow.
Tomorrow? God, that's terrible!
(SIGHS) I'd better get the road maps out.
I'm afraid it's not quite that simple.
I knew it. The Irishman.
No. Not exactly.
It's hard to say this without sounding...
Look, the thing is, I'm not in the market for anything serious.
Well, not yet.
I can assure you there's nothing remotely serious about me.
-Ask Siegfried. -(LAUGHS) Oh!
(MOANS)
(DOOR OPENS)
Mr Biggins, you just can't do that.
It's that sick cow of mine, Mr Farnon.
She's still not right.
(SIGHS)
James, there's the third. Tie it off, please.
Her heart's all right, is it, Siegfried?
Yes, her heart's doing just fine, Granville.
Oh, damn it.
All right.
In fact, she's doing altogether beautifully.
Now, then, let's see.
-That's enough. -(EXHALES)
That's a very neat job, chaps.
Very neat.
But I'm still worried about her heart.
Biggins is cracking up. Definitely, either that or he's trying to crack me up.
-Well, I wouldn't put it past him. -A sick cow indeed!
The man's potty. You get up there, all he does
is tell you you don't know what you're doing.
-He's going to shoot the cat. -What?
Yes, he was murmuring something about a cat to me.
The cat! Of course.
That's why he wanted you up there.
He's heard of your reputation with cats.
-I don't shoot them. -No, of course you don't.
But don't you see, he realises what a fool he'd look,
if he's found out to be
calling on a vet for his mangy old tom.
Ha! A chink in his armour! At last.
I'd be more than happy to do the suturing there, Siegfried.
Oh, Granville, that's very kind of you,
but in my surgery, my suturing.
Now, it might amuse you to go and see that cat.
James, don't you think it's high time
that Tristan took Granville to meet our friend Biggins?
-I think it's high time, Siegfried. -Yes.
No, I think, I'd much rather... (STAMMERS)
Oh, whatever you say.
On you go, Tristan.
I'm payin' you no more!
-I don't see why I should. -(COW MOOS)
Nothing for the times you've been and found naught wrong.
We just need to have one more look at the cow, Mr Biggins,
then we'll discuss business. First things first, eh?
Oh, I realise that it pays you chaps to take your time about your job,
and then hand out blooming great dollops of medicine
that I have to pay for.
I've seen it all before.
Oh, by the way, this is Mr Granville Bennett,
the finest small animal practitioner in the north.
But his charges would astonish even the senior partner of the Farnon practice.
Very pleased to meet you, Mr Biggins.
I've heard a lot about you.
-What a lovely cat. -(GROANS)
-Couldn't catch a cold, let alone vermin. -Not been well?
Goin' downhill fast.
Won't eat ought. Won't do ought.
I wonder, would you mind if we took a look at him, as it's Mr Bennett's field?
-Well... -(COW MOOS)
Yes, if you've a mind.
Of course, I would not send for the vet to come out, not to a cat.
No, no. Of course not.
Just to indulge us, Mr Biggins.
I'm very interested in cats.
That's a town practice for you, you see.
Very well, then.
-Do you want him on the table? -That's a good idea.
Tristan, could you get something to wrap him up in?
-Mrs Biggins, is there a towel? -Aye, right here.
What do you want that for?
Oh, it's just to keep him still.
He's maybe weak, but he's not too weak to use his claws.
(ALL CHUCKLE)
He's got a good set of claws on him still.
He'd have you scratched to ribbons by now if he were himself.
Thank you.
(MEOWS)
TRISTAN: What do you think it is?
GRANVILLE: Well, it's not anaemia.
Aha!
No, it's a lot simpler than that, happily.
Could I borrow some instruments, please?
Now, I shall need a spatula
and some forceps.
Now, if you could open his mouth for me, Tristan. Would you?
As wide as you can.
That's it. That's a good lad.
Yes.
There we are.
You've been at those chicken bones again, haven't you?
Well, I'll be jiggered!
Yes, he's lost a lot of fluid,
that's why he's so weak.
So, give him plenty of extra food, plenty of milk, he'll be right as rain.
Thank you very much indeed, Mr Bennett.
-You managed that a treat. -Oh, all in a day's work.
Mr Farnon will be sending you his bill,
but I'll have to charge you separately, of course.
Shall we say, a guinea?
A guinea?
-I usually charge a lot more. -BIGGINS: Oh, no, no.
A guinea will do nicely.
If you have an expert on the job, you must pay an expert's fee.
I know that.
Didn't Siegfried give you Mr Biggin's bill, Tristan?
Oh, yes. Now you come to mention it.
I'm afraid I don't keep that much money in the house.
But most of my customers prefer to pay by cheque these days.
It's a better reflection of their financial standing, you know.
Yes, certainly. Certainly!
I was going to give you a cheque in any case next time I came down,
-but seein' that you're here... -Marvellous.
Would you like some tea, Mr Bennett, Mr Farnon?
Oh, yes, please, Mrs Biggins.
Something strong and sweet. Hmm?
How about something a bit stronger to wash it down?
Oh, certainly.
I've got a bottle in the other room. I'll go and fetch it.
(MOUTHS)
(SIGHS)
Siegfried will never believe this.
(LAUGHS)
"Perm, your ladyship? I think what you need is a poodle parlour."
Then she said, "I presume they come in a range of colours, Mr Bennett?"
"The dog has a colour, madam. It's white."
"Oh, that won't do at all, Mr Bennett,
"my new curtains are beige."
(ALL LAUGH)
Amazing what people will waste their brass on.
They always say that more goes out than comes in, don't they, Mr Bennett?
Oh, call me Granville. Please.
Oh, another brandy, Granville?
Absolutely, em...
Ezra.
Ah, the book of Ezra.
"Then arose Ezra, and made the chief priests, the Levites, and all Israel,
"to swear that they should do according to this word.
And they swear!"
Another drink! Another drink!
Hello, Mr Biggins.
Oh, don't stand on ceremony with us. Sit this end down.
Thank you.
Granville, I just popped in to say that Persephone's recovering.
Coming along really well.
Oh, thank you. But there is really no need, James.
I hope I didn't appear to be that worried.
Afraid you did, actually.
Well, I'll just drink this up and then I'll give Zoe the good tidings.
Oh, I'm sure Ezra would like you to join us.
Yes. Sit down, Mr James.
I have another glass.
Oh! That's very good of you, Mr Biggins, but I really ought to...
(MOUTHING)
Why not?
-Thank you. -There we are, Jamie lad.
-It's going down a bit. -Don't fret yourself, Mr Tristan.
-There is another bottle where that come from. -Good show.
Mr Biggins, I really ought to let Helen know that...
I will telephone later.
Be of good cheer, Jamie lad.
Gentlemen, and lady, I give you a toast.
To cats and dogs and all those who care for them.
ALL: To cats and dogs and all those who care for them.
No, no, no, Mr Biggins. Mrs Herriot is here now.
Yes, of course I'll tell her.
I appreciate your concern.
Thank you very much. And a very good evening to you, too.
-Something wrong? It's Biggins.
Calling to say that James and Tristan will be a little late.
It seems that he is throwing an impromptu soiree,
and he's is very anxious that you should realise where James is.
He would like you and me to join them.
Of course, meanwhile, he sends his sincerest felicitations.
Or words to that effect.
-Mr Biggins? -The very same.
Or rather, not the same.
Ah, Helen, now, don't worry. I'll take you to the concert. You'll be in plenty of time.
Helen...
The idea that Granville should visit us without wreaking the least havoc in our lives
is hard to take.
The idea that Mrs Alton is now so tremendously fond of Tristan
is not easy to comprehend.
But that Biggins... Biggins should be entertaining!
Turns the world on its head.
I'm not sure that I can cope with change on such a monumental scale.
(LAUGHING)
# Let all the world in every corner sing
# My God and King!
# The heavens are not too high
# His praise may hither fly
# The earth is not too low
# His praises there may grow
# Let all the world
in every corner
# Sing
(SOUNDS OF LAUGHTER)
# Let all the world
# In every corner sing
# My God and King!
Sorry.
# The church with psalms must shout
# No door can keep them out
-Beautiful! -Yes, she certainly is.
# But above all the heart must bear
# The longest part
# Let all the world Let all the world In every corner sing
# Let all the world in every corner
# In every corner
# Sing
# My God and King!
# Let all the world in every corner sing
# My God and King! #
(DISTINCT CHATTER)
Well done, Mrs Alton. That was all very splendid.
Yes, I'm glad there was some people could enjoy it.
Oh, I'm sure everybody enjoyed it.
Yes, well, as I've said before it's not what you expect in a professional household.
-Well sung, you two. -Thank you.
Well done. Well done.
Do you think they liked it?
Oh, I think they really appreciated it how much we put into it.
The traditional method of wakening is, I believe, a kiss.
Which one's the prince?
Oh, well, then, my dear Jane, you might be in for disappointment.
It doesn't look very good, does it?
Certainly not to Mrs Alton,
but I find it all very rather reassuring.
(CLEARS THROAT)
Ah, Siegfried.
Ah, my dear Tristan, did you enjoy it?
I can explain. The thing was...
Granville and Biggins! Say no more. An unusual combination,
perhaps, but lethally formidable.
(SCOFFS)
I have got Biggins' cheque.
The bill's been paid, in full.
Hardly a murmur.
I watched him write it.
Oh, God.
I left it there.
-It doesn't matter. -Doesn't it?
Course not. Everything's back to normal.